Neve McPhillie may have walked out of the British International Open with a silver medal around her neck, but her real victory from the weekend was proving to herself that she could step foot on the mats and give her all once again.
Since earning bronze at the same competition 12 months ago, it has been some journey for the East Kilbride-native, who was back donning the emblem of Elite Martial Arts at the National Cycling Centre, the club that has nurtured her since she took up the sport at the age of four.
Celebrating her 20th birthday a week before the event in Manchester, Neve has had a testing year on and off the mat with injuries hampering her progress, while being released from GB Taekwondo saw her face the reality of life outside the National Taekwondo Centre.
Just stepping back on the mats for her first round fight was one of the biggest challenges of the weekend; but one she passed with flying colours.
“I think this weekend more was just about getting back to myself, I’ve been struggling with competing and coming off the back of a hamstring injury…. coming back home it’s been very different,” she says, reflecting on her weekend in Manchester.
“It’s been about building back my confidence and having fun in the ring again instead of it being a job. So I think the day as a whole was very emotional and overwhelming for me but I had so much fun.
“We didn’t go into the competition having a game plan. It wasn’t tactics, it wasn’t sussing out the opponent, it was more just go in and fight, and just go in and be you. That was what we stuck to the whole day and it worked.”
While she surged to the final in the -62kg division, things were far from straight forward for Neve on Saturday, with a personal battle with those inner demons proving to be one of the hardest challenges to overcome in the early stages.
She continues: “The whole day there were so many hurdles, after the first fight I had a panic attack. I won the fight fine but it wasn’t about the winning, I won it and I should have been happy that I’d won it but I was so scared.
“After I’d got over that first hurdle I think the wind was just with me and I started to believe in myself again. The courage came back and then my second fight was against Beth Christy, who is an amazing fighter and an amazing person.”
A faceoff against Beth Christy – a fellow British talent who has impressed on the international stage – proved to be a nostalgic one for Neve, with the two constantly going head-to-head since their days as Cadets.
For all the sentiment between the pair off the mats, things got serious when the hogu was on, and Neve kicked into another gear.
Those early jitters had been forgotten; this was an athlete who was pulsing with self-belief, who was proving to herself, as well as those watching on, that she can still perform when the chips were down.
In fact, Neve didn’t lose a single fight en route to the final in Manchester, with Anna Fossaceca, Beth Christy and Greta Calvara all being dispatched 2-0, as the Scottish superstar rediscovered the form that saw her rise to prominence as a teenage talent.
“I love Beth – we genuinely get along so well – so it was hard going in against someone that you know and you’re friends with, and then coming out of that going against Italy again I think all day my confidence just grew and grew.”
All the while, she had brother and sister coaching duo Jonathan McDade and Jennifer Eden in her corner; two Elite Martial Arts coaches that have nurtured her from her early years, the first people to recognise her potential.
That familiarity, that sanctuary, helped to strip Taekwondo back to its basics, and reminded her why she took up the sport in the first place.
“Having Jennifer and Jonathan back in the ring with me… to me they’re not just coaches they’re like family now. I’ve been training at Elite Martial Arts since I was four-years-old so it’s been a long journey.
“I think getting back in the ring with them has helped remind me that taekwondo is about having fun and expressing yourself and being your own person. It doesn’t matter about the score, it doesn’t matter about the winning or losing, it’s just about having fun in the ring.
“With Jonathan it doesn’t matter what happens in the fight as long as we’re okay and enjoying ourselves, and he’s always happy and he’s always a hundred percent got our backs.”
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Heading back to your home club after spending time in the national setup could have been a humbling experience for some athletes, but Neve was welcomed with open arms by the Elite team. To them, she will always be Neve, the local girl done good.
Whether she is helping coach the younger athletes or training for her own competitions, the familiarity of her surroundings has been something of a comfort blanket of late for the Scot, just when she needed it the most.
“I’ll come in and all the little ones run up to me and come give me a hug and to them I’m still a superstar,” she smiles.
“I think that really shows in how close we all are as a club as well, everyone gets treated the same. Everyone knows who you are, so no one batted an eyelid about me coming, and I coach the younger ones and it’s so nice.
“I think a lot of the wee ones do look up to me, they’ve said in school that they want to fight like me. For me, that’s the only thing I wanted to do with Taekwondo, I wanted to be someone people could look up to.
“It’s not about the colour of medal or about how many fights or how many competitions I am at, it’s just like being someone to show the younger ones that they can do it too.
“It doesn’t matter what you look like, where you come from, what colour the medal is… just being yourself gets you a long way.”
Heading back to East Kilbride, coaching at Elite and working two part-time jobs has given Neve time to reflect on the past few years, with the weekend in Manchester the chance to put those thoughts behind her and start afresh.
“I think I lost my spark in a way, going to training was mentally draining and then being in the ring I was so scared of the outcome that I wouldn’t perform my best.
“It was like when I was in the ring it wasn’t an opponent in front of me – it wasn’t about the score – I was fighting myself in a way it felt like my legs were always heavy.
“If something went wrong I would just be thinking: ‘well you’ve made this mistake so now so now it’s going to be a loss,’ and I think that it’s taken me about what six months to get back to this weekend.
“After the first fight I had that panic again where I was overwhelmed because it was the first fight in six months, so it was almost like a relief that I’d gotten through the first fight.”
One of the standout images of the weekend was Neve, fresh from booking a spot in the final, surrounded by former GB teammates, all delighted for their friend on her own personal mission.
Lauren Williams is beaming by her side, Chloe Roberts rushes in for a huge hug. These aren’t just teammates, they are friends for life.
“Me, Chloe and Lauren were like a wee trio and whenever we were abroad you’d never see us apart. Even though I’m 250 miles away from them every day we all speak, we all talk and after the competition we all went out for food together.
“Having Lauren – such an example of Taekwondo – at the side of the ring, and then Chloe after she’s just come off, she took her time to come and watch me I’m just so grateful to have them behind my back and how happy we all were.
“It wasn’t just about me, it was about all of us and all of us being back together and I’m so grateful to still have them and we’re all still so close.”
While that performance in Manchester is proof to Neve that she still has what it takes to compete on the G-class circuit, it also helped remind herself how much she loves the sport she has dedicated her life to, and the one her family love.
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Having a dad and two brothers who also practice Taekwondo means she always has someone nearby to talk to, someone who understands, someone she can trust. A quick call before competing is sometimes all it takes to snap her out of that eternal internal monologue.
“[Speaking to my parents] really helped me take away some of the pressure that I was putting on myself.
“I think a lot of the time people care about what their parents will say or what will happen, but I think having parents that are so supportive and that genuinely just want the best for me helps tenfold because it doesn’t matter what happens.
“Whether it’s Taekwondo, whether it’s not, I’ve always got people that will help pick me back up if anything ever did go wrong and then are there with me when everything goes right.
“My biggest ever inspiration has always been my brother because he’s the one who made me start wanting to be better. He got club champion at our club and I wanted to be a club champion and want to be like him.
“Taekwondo has always been a part of our life and our family and even though it’s come with good and bad, Taekwondo has always come out on top. The good overweighs all the bad.”
Reflecting on the weekend, you can sense the pure joy in Neve’s voice. She travelled to Manchester with just one goal – to enjoy herself – and that’s exactly what she did.
On the mats on Saturday you saw an athlete who was falling in love with Taekwondo all over again. Not just for its silverware and glory, but everything that comes with it.
“That’s really what Taekwondo is to me: a family, a home, a safe space where I can just express myself and not be judged for it.”
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